Belonging: Mother and Main Marking Criteria

Belonging Creative Writing Deafness The hand ticked monotonously around the watch, its staggered movement constantly pushing its smaller brother forward. The window was open, and a cool breeze fluttered through, ruffling the white curtains. The corner of the curtain nicked a calculator on the table and it fell with a metallic crash. However, the boy sitting at the edge of the table never moved. It was only when he turned around and saw the broken calculator with a nail protruding out that he bent to pick up the pieces. Suddenly the door to his bedroom opened and his mother came in.

Without uttering a sound, she shaped her fingers into the desired word – SPECIALIST, NOW. The boy nodded and followed his mum out. It was a silent world. Ever since he was a child, Adam lived in total muteness. Vehicles flashing past by or the crash of a dish on the floor never got a response out of him. Even loud foghorns or thunder didn’t illicit a reaction. With every step he took he would look around because he had almost been in an accident. Crossing the road, he didn’t hear the loud horns of a truck that has lost its braking system. If it wasn’t for his over-protective mother, he would not be here now.

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What would it be like to hear? What was sound like? He longed to hear it. He never really minded the silence since he had always been like this but more than once did he wish what it was like to hear music or even a tiny sound. The quiet can be nice and relaxing but it was boring. The texture of sounds was never there for him. Although he had great sight and touch because of the loss of one sense, he wanted to explore reality with noise, whether it be explosions, crashes or songs. The white halls of the clinic stretched and at the end stood the specialist’s office.

Although it looked new, David saw the scratches on the portraits, the faint colorization of the walls and the pen mark on the secretary’s navy clothing. The boy’s silent reality was about to be swamped by the noise of the world. Although he had been here many times to tweak the cochlear inside his ear, this final time gave the hall an all new aspect. The operations before where the cochlear needed to be installed gave the whiteness a dominating aspect, as the stark colour seemed to emphasize Adam’s disability. However seeing them for the last time without sound gave them a humble tone.

The doctor settled him into a purple chair and raised an instrument to both of his ears. Adam licked his lips and rubbed his hands. He imagined what sounds would be able to hear first. His mom talking to the expert but perhaps also the chirping of birds outside or the engines of the cars driving past. He could hear the concertos his parents always listen to on TV and even try them on an instrument! There would be endless possibilities. Nodding satisfactorily he took from his desk a curved shaped item with a circular pad at the end. Although he could not hear it, the boy could feel his heart resounding like a drum in his head.

Moving closer, the expert raised the item and sat it on the right ear. The cold plastic skinned the hairline but like a kid with a present, he was too nervous to notice that. “Are you ready? ” He asked Adam. Adam gulped, “Like never before. ” “Welcome to your new world. ” The doctor’s finger hovered over a switch and with a nod from the anxious mum, the bionic ear was turned on. Adam looked around. Suddenly the clock on the wall ticked but it may as well have been horn. The sound was pouring in: his mum jumping happily, the chair squeaking, the phone ringing.

The sound added a new flavor to everything Adam saw. They were no longer dull but had vibe and colour. He slumped back into the chair, tears in his eyes. “What a wonderful world. ” * The idea of belonging is not clear at all! I found it extremely difficult to pick up on this theme – you have not made it apparent within the story. Considering that this is the main marking criteria, I strongly suggest that you revise your story to include this aspect. THERE are only two characters in this story basically you and your mum. So instead of yeh describing the htings around him try to develop the character so maybe.

In the introduction maybe try to write about how the kid had partial deafness so when he was with his other friends he could not hear them properly so they wouldn’t want o play with him. Describe using all senses how fun it seemed for them then contrast to you. Opening? Then for the mum maybe describe how she always watched over her son, trying to help him but couldn’t describe maybe the long nights hse had trying to search for doctors or standing up for her son when talking to friends and through these actions show NOT TELL WITH RANDOM METAPHORS how much she loved her son.

So then it can become like a two way belonigng story with the son and mother tied together and it is a problem they both face, the son not having the childhood he wished for, and his mother always faced with hidden pity and ridicule from fellow parents can finally look at her son with pride after the surgery or whatever, research a bit. And then after describing both struggles, tie them together as they are walking down the hallway to the surgery and perhaps in the conclusion, don’t always try for one liners, like they are good but to a certain extent.

For this story maybe try to like one last paragraph, and the mum is talking to one of the parent friends and they are watching their two kids playing and the friend asks her like a question. Like maybe before they were thinking about sending him to school but his deafness wouldve caused him to be bullied so no. so now the parent friend asks the mum so are you sure you want to send him to school? And then the mum replies, look at him, of course. Or osmething like that. Instead you could make the character partially deaf so so his life is a blur of noise and mess and he just wants to hear clearly, not run into cars by accident in the street, not feel left behind in class etc. * I’m not sure how that’s exactly how a ‘bionic ear’ would work? Make sure you have your facts right. * The opening paragraph is not effective. The idea of a calculator falling off a desk is neither relevant nor attention-grabbing for your reader/marker. * Regarding the actual plot of your story, there is no clear structure. You must create a problem, climax and resolution.

Currently, your story does not involve suspense, no issue is resolved, and no obstacle is created. You must consider these important aspects when planning and writing your narrative. * * Stylistically, there are too many adverbs and clumsy metaphors. If you take away the descriptions you currently have written, there is not much of a story left. This is a central issue with your story. (If you have to include as many metaphors as you have currently used, at least use some variety. i. e. explore sight, smell, taste, sound touch – not just sight)

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