Michelle Mendoza soci-2301 Marriage & Family David Arizmendi December 9, 2013 Marriage Vows “Till death do us part. ” A common phrase exchanged between couples during a traditional wedding ceremony. It is vow of faithfulness and a life-long promise of unconditional love. As one exchanges vows to one another, they are sharing a very intimate yet public declaration of love. Most couples traditionally use words to express their feelings. Some recite poems, sing songs, or simply speak from the heart. But what exactly are they saying?
A lot of the time, we find ourselves reciting omething that was either taught to us by religion or deemed romantic and sentimental by society. However the significance of these powerful words are sometimes over looked. Marriage vows, either traditional or personal, are ultimately promises. So are those words you are reciting to one another a promise to uphold or are they Just words? First of all, relationships themselves are difficult. Now adding marriage to the mix can make everything a whole lot tougher.
I feel that sometimes couples do not really listen carefully nor do they understand the vows that they are promising during their wedding ceremony. After all, “the true meaning of wedding vows is to be committed with your partner” (Meeru 1). “Wedding vows serve as an anchor to keep couples going through” their marriage strong and loving. (Williams 1) I mean it is common sense that life is going to throw curveballs at you and try to test your marriage at all times, but it is up to the couple themselves to keep their marriage healthy and alive.
However, couples might see it “easier to cope with when you have someone you can draw close to and stand as a unified front with, even when you are at odds with each other” (Williams 1). If couples can share that same quality, then that will prove to show “that you are unwilling to give up on the other person no matter how you may feel about them at the moment, and you’ll have the ability to build a relationship”(Williams 1). On June 18, 1983 my much in love parents tied exchanged their vows and tied the knot.
To this day my parents are still together and going strong, and have been married for 30 years. I can honestly say that for 30 years of marriage, my parents are still madly in love with one another. Of course their marriage is not that easy. Like many relationships, they have encountered road blocks, have had to overcome obstacles, and have had their share of differences, but they make it out through every single though time as strong, if not stronger than ever. My dad, a self-employed worker, has experienced tough times with his business.
There have been months where my father has struggled to survive, but my mother has never once left his side. My mother is a teacher, and with the recent cut backs in the education field, is worried about her Job status in the upcoming year, yet my dad has never given her negative feedback. My father and mother have had to overcome economic problems over the course of their marriage, yet together they have managed to raise two children. My brother and l, thanks to God, have never encountered many more tough situations, yet they managed to work through them.
They have had their bad days and have argued about the most minor things, but at the end of the day my parents have such a strong love for one another and they know they can accomplish anything together. Both my father and my mother know what it takes to be married and live up to their vows that they promised 30 years ago at their edding ceremony. “To a remarkable degree, marriage in America today is exactly what these newlyweds increasingly say that it is: a loving relationship of undetermined duration created of the couple, by the couple, and for the couple” (Blankenhorn 1).
Obviously, the marriage vows are what are deeply connected to the marriage relationship itself. In fact, “The vow is foundational: the couple’s first and most formal effort to define, and therefore understand, exactly what their marriage is” (Blankenhorn 1). But now days, people are creating personalized ows to make the whole ceremony much more romantic, when in reality they are setting everyone up for a disaster.
It has become quite popular that couples are “replacing the traditional wedding vows -“till deaths do us apart” to “till we love and live together,” we will love each other” (Meeru 1), also, most new vows simply leave the question of marital duration unasked and unanswered, as if the issue were either irrelevant or beyond knowing. All of this is occurring because “unconditional wedding vows are changing to conditional wedding vows, and in conditional vows there are are chances of continuity’ (Meeru 1), which means there is a higher chance for divorce. You see, the philosophy of todays marriages Just is not the same.
It is not only the value of marriage which appears to be disappearing, but it also appears that the importance of the honoring (or the keeping) of the marriage vows is disappearing too (1) Couples today will say that they are in love today, but simply cannot promise that they will love you till the death. They themselves are unsure of how long their love will last. Why? Most of the time they are unsure, is because they are rushed into wedding. A lot of young couples tend to find a partner who they have been with for at most 6 months, and are “madly’ in love with one another, yet they really have no idea what their partner is really about.
Blinded by love, they rush into a marriage and shortly after they are filing for divorce. A perfect example todays marriage is Kim Kardashian and her ex-husband, Kris Humphries. According to Us Weekly, the couple met in November of 2010, and by May 2011 they were getting ready to tie the knot! That’s only six months! After being engaged for ninety days, on August 20, 2011 Kim nd Kris exchanged their vows and got married. Seventy-two days later, Kim files for divorce. Isn’t that crazy? This Just proves to show that when you rush into a marriage, it is likely to end in divorce.
Now you look at Kim Kardashian’s sister, Khloe and her husband, NBA basketball player, Lamar Odom. They got married in 2009. Yes, they have had struggles in their marriage from Lamar getting released from his basketball team and being traded, having to adjust to a new city where no family was around, to Khloe not being able to produce her own children. Not being able to have kids is a eally significant thing, and in some cases, men end up leaving their wife’s for that reason, which is completely absurd.
Like in an episode of Khloe and Lamar’s TV reality show, Khloe comments that they have both been through some tough obstacles over the years, but they manage to get through all of them with love and stronger than a relationship experience hard times and obstacles, but it’s not what you go through that defines your bond, it’s simply how you work through those tough times. You could have the same problem a billion times, and never solve it, or you have the roblem once and fix it and move on and continue to enjoy your relationship.
That is why in my opinion, marriage is a declaration of love and an affirmation between two people that have decided to come together and create their own family. The bonding is difficult to work through and even though the two people are madly in love their marriage takes work because it requires for two personalities, characters, family values, and customs to merge yet the bond of unity comes through the process of marriage vows which are recited in front of a church elder or in the case of a civil eremony, in front of a Justice of the peace.
Marriage vows are not new though. Over the years, I have learned that origins of marriage vows began with the upper class in England. The poor people would simply begin a common law marriage and lived together without reciting vows. It was the upper class hat began using the vows to protect each other’s family from losing power and money should something happen to either one of the two people in the marriage. There are several versions of marriage vows and all vows can be arranged to fit the needs of each couple.
Some couples decided to write their own vows because they want to personalize their vows to represent their personal likening’s along with along with their beliefs. Other couples choose to follow traditional church vows and let their priest or preacher recite the traditional vows. When couples marry in a civil ceremony many of them are married with the marriage vows written and accepted within their respective state. Marriage vows are a way of declaring your love for one another but most importantly it is the affirmation of your desire to be “one” with your husband or wife.
You pledge to love, honor, cherish, and most importantly respect each other through the good and bad times throughout your marriage. You further pledge to love and honor each other in sickness and in health and in a church ceremony, “until death do us part” particularly because certain religions do not accept the act of divorce. I myself have made a promise to myself that once I get married, divorce is not an option. That way, I will think very hard and very carefully before getting myself up to marriage, to fully understand and grasp the concept that I will spend the rest of my ife with that one man.
Civil ceremonies can be annulled and the couple involved can then proceed to marry within a church through a religious ceremony. Today, marriage vows are an important part of wedding ceremonies because many of todays couples decide to write their own, recite Bible verses, sing a love song, and at times have their best man or maid of honor involved in the presentation and/or exchange of the vows. The presentation itself is usually when the audience cries during the wedding ceremony because the emotion expressed is very heart warming.
It is immediately before or after that the presentation of the traditional rings is performed and this in itself completes the circle of love uniting the couple. Over the past couple of years, marriage vows for gay couples have become very controversial. I know that this is a whole different topic from this, but it ties in and I feel that I should address this topic very briefly. My brother has come out to my family and me and isn’t. It hurts me to see how people that are gay are treated unfairly. I understand that some people may not agree with it, but at the end of the day, they are all Just eople like you and l.
Do they not deserve the normal rights like everyone has? Why should they be denied the privilege to be married? Why can they not be happy? Anyw???ays, that is a completely different issue. I feel that marriage vows have with time become less significant to couples. My parents have and will continue to live up to their vows, along with many other committed couples around the world. But see, that’s Just it, commitment is key. If you are not planning on being committed then save your time, save your money, save your guest’s time and money also, and Just do not get married.
Couples now days rush into marriages and get married right away. People need to understand that you cannot know someone over the course of 5-6 months. You need to take the time and actually get someone. Marriage vows are important in marriages and will continue to be important. One thing is for sure, when I walk down the aisle, I will definitely make sure to commit myself to my lifelong partner and live up to my marriage vows “till death do us part”. Until then, I will enjoy my life and get to know someone really well before settling down and getting serious.
Work Cited Blankenhorn, David. “First Things – I Do? ” Article. N. p. , n. d. Web. 06 Dec. 2013. “Importance of Honoring Marriage Vows. ” Importance of Honoring Marriage Vows. N. p. , n. d. Web. 09 Dec. 2013. “Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce Timeline. ” Latest News. Us Weekly, 22 Apr. 2013. Web. 06 Dec. 2013. Meeru. “Wedding Vows -A Sacred Promise. ” Yahoo Contributor Network. N. p. , 26 Sept. 2006. Web. 07 Dec. 2013. Williams, Nichole. “The Importance of Marriage Vows. ” Yahoo Contributor Network. N. p. , 26 sept. 2006. web. 7 Dec. 2013.