On August 13, 2009, I became a mother. I was excited because I believed that my son would live, hours later that excitement turned to despair and unimaginable pain. My perceptual social atom sociogram deals with my feelings about the death of my son Alex. After the death of my son I had a hard time coping with feelings and those who were around me in regards to support or non support. There are three males on my sociogram, my son (Alex), my father (Anthony), and my son’s father (Vance).
I will always have a mutual attraction for my son Alex, he was my first born, and he died while I was giving birth to him. It feels as though there is an empty void in my life because he is not here. At times I still wake up expecting to here his cry; he ranks number one in my life always. My son’s father Vance is ranked at a 2 in my life due to the fact that while I was in labor he left. According to the notational system we have an rejection indifference.
I feel that when he left the hospital he rejected me and our son and right now I am indifferent to his feelings and what he wants from our relationship; he should be caring about me, if he does great and if he doesn’t that is okay also. The third male on my sociogram is my dad. My father and I have a attraction rejection relationship; this is because he just doesn’t understand why I can’t let my son’s father go. He feels that I should make a complete break in regards Vance and I relationship. Because of this our relationship right now is a little strained, we speak without speaking.
I know that he loves me but he has told me that I need to break things off with Vance in order to move on with my life. I understand where he is coming from but I am afraid to make that final step. The four of the five women on my sociogram are very important in my life. My mother is ranked as number one. My mother and I have the same relationship right now as my father and I. The only difference between my parents is that my dad will say how he feels once and will leave it alone where as my mother will always voice her opinion.
She doesn’t feel that my child’s father is good enough for me and therefore why should I even be bothered. My sister, Arin and my aunt Shea are ranked number two’s and I know they will always be in my corner. When looking at the notational system they both have attraction indifference relationships with me; they love me but they also don’t feel that Vance is good for me. The only difference between them and my parents is that they understand that I am grown and that I will make my own decisions. The fourth woman on my sociogram is my best cousin and friend Ananda.
She has supported me wholeheartedly through my whole pregnancy and through the death of my son. Whatever decision that I have made, she has always said that she supports me one hundred percent. Therefore according to the notational system, our relationship is mutual attraction. The last person on my sociogram is my cousin Ashlee. Ashlee and I use to have a good relationship. Before I became pregnanat she would hang out with Vance and a friend of his. I believe that there relationship came to a point where they could talk to each other about anything.
To make a long story short, Ashlee said that Vance approached her in regards to sex; Vance said that he didn’t. That point is that I would have believed Ashlee if she would have came to me from the beginning but she didn’t; she told everyone else what he supposedly said via text messaging but didn’t tell me. I found out about the whole situation after I became pregnant with Alex. At this point there is mutual rejection in our relationship. I don’t think things will ever be the same because I feel that something that important she be told face to face, not through text messaging.