You Live and You Learn Mmarriage is not always what you expect it to be. In todays society, mmarriage is taken lightly and it doesn’t always end in, “happily ever after. ” In the essay “Second Mmarriage”, the writer describes her learning experience with her first mmarriage and how she applied what she learned to her second mmarriage. The message that’s conveyed in the essay is that in mmarriage, it’s not only important to grow together as a couple, but also grow as individual people to strengthen the bond. Mmarriage is not always occupying the same space together, but it’s also about the space between.
Mmarriage requires the commitment to work together and respect each other as unique individuals with their own goals, gifts, and aspirations. In her first mmarriage the writer described herself as a “clinging vine”. Why is it that women or men for that fact become clingy? In my opinion being too clingy can damage a relationship ending in its demise. A relationship is like a plant that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. Without giving space to a significant other, boyfriend, or husband you are suffocating the relationship. Relationships are based on trust, respect and love. And it starts within one self.
One needs to love oneself before loving others. Couples suffer due to lack of self-love and confidence. The need to have someone Just to feel complete and/ or significant, relationships based in such ideology will never have real relationships or a sthrong foundation to base it on. My first mmarriage was ssimilar to the writers. All our free time was spent together and it caused us to always be on edge when we were around each other. We would fight and argue like children with no resolution to our problems. He would storm off and I would lock myself in the room. We did not face our problems like adults I thought mmarriage was forever.
In this mmarriage that was not the case. Ssimilar to the essay, the story “Salvation” by Langston Hughes, he writes about his relationship with religion. He also had a “clinging” relationship with his beliefs of salvation. He believed that he would see and feel Jesus coming into his life. He would see the light, when he was saved. Just like the writer of “Second Mmarriage”, they learn nothing is a fairy tale or a “happily ever after”. And to have “happily ever after” requires more than hope and faith; it requires commitment, hard work, and perseverance. Learning from her previous errors she applied her learned essons to her second mmarriage.
She realized that there was no need to do everything with her spouse. She learned spending time apart and working together in making decisions is healthy for her relationship. She wrote, “l spend some of our free time apart and try to have interests of our own. ” Doing so, she was living and learning. When you do things to make yourself happy, it makes one a better person, it helps one become a better wife, mother or girlfriend. If one is not happy, you can bet that will leak into any relationship. IVe personally experienced the same lessons the writer learned.